The other day I talked about some resentment was bubbling up for me with respect to a person who I love very much (I don’t think I mentioned love last time!) but who was affecting me greatly during this time of sequester – not my husband and not my children. What I loved about this feeling bubbling up was that it was simply an invitation to deal with something that was obviously bothering me deep down and felt with a big exclamation mark because of the circumstances we are currently in. In my book Fire Wife, Standing Strong in Your Relationship, Your Life and Your Dreams, I talk about blocks that keep us from our authentic, full and happy selves.
So rather than push these feelings down with a reprimand so that I could pretend that my good girl heart doesn’t feel these things, I welcomed this feeling to the table with a journal and a pen to work this thing out. For days and for days I wrote out pages and pages of frustration and I was actually surprised at how many pages and for how many days I wrote about my frustrations! But I feel better now and if you are feeling frustrated I know you will too! We are living in really tough times, but there is a gift in everything. Below I’ve written out 5 ways I returned to both love and peace.
Step 1. Get it out! Write it out and do not stop. It might take days and days (of course yes you will go to sleep in between) but just get it out, swear words, anger, resentments and all. Keep in mind that while you are an incredible person, you are still just a human being – equal parts both flawed and fabulous. We all feel bad feelings toward others from time to time – that is normal. What is not normal is holding onto bad feelings. It’s bad for your mental, physical, and emotional health and bad for your relationships. Take charge and write it out!
In taking the time to write I realized after several days that I needed to polish off my feelings of KINDNESS toward this person. I’d lost my way by allowing ego and anger to cloud this very important virtue.
In life there is only either love or fear.
We feel angry and resentful when we have fear. What are you fearing? Loss? The end of your dream as you knew it? Loss of space and privacy in your home? Determine your fears and then take the time to review why you are feeling fear. When I addressed my fears, I related them to other times in my life when I felt fear, but things worked out better than I imagined in the future. This is when the activity of creating a timeline is a good idea. Do a timeline of your life and review it because it will reassure you. Note the times when things didn’t go well and then take note of the times when they did after you thought they wouldn’t. Our fear is usually in thinking life will not get better. It will!
Step 2. This is only a test. My faith plays a big part in my working things out and in the remembering and realizing that this situation will not last forever but IN FACT if I allow this moment in history to positively transform me, and to learn the vital life lessons I need to learn, not only will I come through it better as a person but with a much brighter and happier perspective about life, love and people in general. You might not feel positive or happy right now, but trust me, you will not feel this way forever. Take time to pamper yourself in little ways and just keep in mind that you will look back at this time in history and shake your head in amazement for what you endured and got through.
Step 3. Your loss is temporary. I remembered a time many years ago when my husband was very ill and I thought that “the good life” as we knew it was over and out. This is just not true. Hope, trust and idealism, particularly in the worst of days, is a big damn deal. And not on a superficial level either. What we are going through is just a life test on the way to even more abundance and prosperity. This is the Law of Attraction and the Law of Compensation. Never lose your hope that you will get double for your trouble in the future. This is not all there is! After my husband recovered, and after we went through serious emotional and financial trials, not only did we 10 years later, go on a dream trip to Europe, but I finished my book. You will be happy again and life will be better again. Everything you lost will come back to you doubled or even tripled. Just don’t lose hope or faith. Study life laws while you are sequestered. It might be one of the best things you ever do! Stay the course. Also, study “the greatest generation.” These people made it through two world wars and the depression with some of the best inventions coming out of this time. Maybe it’s time to dust off your long forgotten great ideas and dreams and do something about them. See yourself as the comeback kid. Work hard and make the necessary changes to get through these difficult times but don’t be too drastic because of panic or worry. Calm your mind with meditation a good walk and keep in mind a positive future vision for good times ahead.
Step 4. Being sidetracked or blindsided will not change your destiny. Big world changes will not change the universal fact that your life has purpose, that you have dreams, a bucket list you will complete, or a magnificent destiny. Once again this is just a test. However, it’s during these big world tests that you might actually find another purpose for your life. In my book I talked about my life changing drastically when my husband wanted to be a firefighter when I had plans to finish my media and communications degree. While I did not get my media and communications degree, I did write a book about my experience as a reluctant fire wife to help other women who needed to live their dreams and have a life of their own too apart from the fire service! When we accept that plan A doesn’t always work out and that we sometimes have to be flexible so Plan B, C or D can emerge instead, you will realize that Plan A just means you need Another plan, and B,C and D just means Best Choice Darling! Don’t hold on to what was or what you hoped for at the expense of something unexpected but better. The universe does this to all of us sometimes but learning to surrender, learning to accept what is are very important practices for these times. We all have to make editorial changes to our lives from time to time and most of the time it is to prune what never really worked for us in the first place.
Step 5. Lastly, nothing lasts forever the good or bad. I told both my sons the other day that these are the good old days. With my 76 year old Mother now living with us – we moved her in almost a year ago and into my once upon a time office space, our two adult sons currently living at home while they save money to buy their respective condos in unaffordable Vancouver, their girlfriends who are over all the time, 2 dogs that have mucked up my hardwood floors, my husband who occupies our bedroom upstairs most of the time to zone out and watch all his red neck shows, and with me, trying to do my writing and work in the middle of the living room with the never ending swirl of activity as I try to think and create, I don’t take for granted that I will one day look back at these days and remember them with enormous love and fondness. Are we squished on three floors? Oh yes. Does it take me three times as long to do any writing because of all the noise? Oh yes. But I have worked out my harsher feelings with these 5 steps and have most definitely learned the lessons of the past that we must embrace where we are right now, chaos, uncertainty and all. This will all be a memory one day and like I told my boys, this house is currently a launching pad for everyone’s dreams! Life is good. Life will work out. And if you stay the course and stay positive and hopeful, you will be rewarded because the universe’s abundant energy flow will be able to “download” itself into your unblocked spirit. It’s the way life works.