If you could rank your husband’s bad moods on a scale from 1-10 where would they land? Recently my husband landed in hospital again. This is the third time with a low white blood cell count. He was the most insufferable person leading up to this hospitalization and I can understand why. However, there is something about me and possibly you now, having learned to be independent and fend for yourself more often than not that you look at that man of yours and say, “get your shit together.” I say this not because I am cold – I am just the opposite in fact. But if you are married to a firefighter, or at least the more egotistical kind, they think that the world revolves around them – and why wouldn’t they, they are heroes, right? Additionally with respect to his bad health, it is unfortunately in my eyes completely self-inflicted. Firefighters are known to indulge too much in what is not necessarily good for them. Fast food, booze, and possibly chew tobacco. Check, check and check. I’ve watched as my husband comes home and really let’s go. He lays in bed consistently in an air conditioned room, and doesn’t move unless he needs to come downstairs to eat. I feel as though all of this is delayed grief having lost his mom and having watched his best friend who was also a firefighter spiral  into darkness all within two weeks of each other. Additionally, I don’t nag or bitch at my husband. But when he landed in hospital again, something in me snapped. I wasn’t putting up with this anymore. My own father is dying of cancer and has a lot of regrets. My husband will too if he doesn’t take his mortality seriously. And those moods? No longer will I keep quiet and just accept this as part of the job. Well, it is part of the job, but I put up a big fat boundary with him that he is to never and I mean never speak to me rudely ever again. I am not here on earth to serve bad moods and then become depleted and crushed underneath the weight of them. As an indomitable fire wife, I’ve put up with a lot and I know you have to. I have paid my dues and I too have suffered as a result. This is a hard life, but this is the last straw. Toughen up girl. You’ve been nothing but supportive and committed to both him and his profession. You’ve been flexible and very accommodating. It’s time to teach these guys how to treat their wives. Expect respect and you will get it. Set up strong boundary lines and be succinct in your language to him about what you will no longer accept, (don’t get too wordy, they won’t hear you.) This is your life and you must stand strong in it so that you can have a good one. My book is called The Indomitable Fire Wife: standing strong in your marriage, your life and your dreams. Focus on that and it will be published soon.  Love you!  XO

Written by : Miss T

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